Friday

                           Musings and History

Quote of the day;

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I did not have a single talent left and could say 'I used all that you gave me.'”

                                              Erma Bombeck

I have been taken to task lately because of my reports about the Catholic Church that I read in several news sources. The complaint is not that I report them; it is the embellishments that I add. After all even the Pope acknowledges that there is a problem. A while back I reported about a Pentecostal Holiness minister that hit hard on a fifteen year old girl that was cleaning his house and was forced to resign. So I feel obliged to touch on some of the other religions. Back in the 1870’s on up to WWI the Ku Klux Klan was fostered heavily by the Southern Baptists and Methodists.

In 1875 the Mormons attacked a wagon train that was traveling from Arkansas to California and were passing through Utah. At a place called Mountain Meadows a Morman militia disguised as Paiute Indians along with some real Paiutes attacked the wagon train for no apparent reason. The Immigrants fought back and the fight came to a standoff. A couple of Mormons identified themselves and told the Immigrants that if they surrendered their weapons, they would be allowed to continue. They did indeed surrender their weapons but the Mormon’s resumed their attack and a massacre was the result. They would not kill the women, they assigned the Paiutes that task and they did not kill anyone younger than 8 years old. The final death toll was 120 and the corpses were allowed to rot on the prairie for two years until a US Cavalry unit found them.

I was also taken to task for making somewhat uncalled for remarks about women. I try to be fair when it comes to that. I will use that tired old cliché that a lot of my friends are women as is many of my heroes. All of you subscribers out there may or may not know that I have had three wives and two live-ins and several dating girlfriends. These experiences will add a particular flavor to my editorials. By the way, I am between wives and/or girlfriends at the present.

A couple of days ago the Spartanburg city cops were called to a disturbance at a McDonalds. It seems that a 39 year old lady was pretty hammered and was getting unruly. She had ordered two hamburgers and two small coffees to go. When she was handed the bag she went to the restroom and returned claiming that there was only one hamburger in the bag. Y’all see what is coming. The workers at McDonalds began to see a grease stain forming in the crotch of the lady’s shorts and so did the cops. The cops cuffed the lady and a female cop came and dipped her hand into her shorts and retrieved a hamburger. Does anyone have any suggestions about what to do with the hamburger?

          This Day in History July 22

1934 FBI agent Melvin Purvis had been hunting gangster John Dillinger for a few years without success. So he decided that he had to do something else besides trying to anticipate where John would be at any given time. Purvis began an investigation into who was on the perimeter of John’s group of gangsters. It turned out that there was a woman in Chicago that Dillinger would go to from time to time to hide out. This woman was an illegal alien from one of the Balkan countries. Purvis found this out and had a meeting with this woman and told her that either she helped them catch Dillinger or she would be deported. She agreed and a few months later she called Purvis and told him that Dillinger was coming by for a visit. Purvis told her to get Dillinger out of the house and call him back and tell him how she was going to do it. She called back and said that she and John were going to the movies. As you might suspect, Dillinger loved gangster movies and wanted to see Manhattan Melodrama starring Clark Gable. On this date the movie was being shown at the Biograph theater and Purvis and company had it surrounded. Dillinger and his girl friend came out and after they moved away from the front door, Purvis approached with gun drawn and ordered Dillinger to surrender. Dillinger ducked into a nearby alley and produced a pistol of his own and begins firing. John had no idea as to how many men he was facing because all of them opened fire and poor John went down in hailstorm of gunfire. This was the end to one of the most recognized criminals in American history. By the way, they deported the woman anyway.

2003 On this date US forces encircled a large house in northwestern Baghdad. They suspected that Saddam Hussein’s sons Qusay and Uday were inside. They found out for sure when a firefight began. The fight lasted three hours and ended with the American forces brought in a piece of armor and shot the house down. Sure enough Qusay and Uday were indeed in the house dead as fried chicken. They were both monsters with Uday leaning more toward exotic methods of torture. The quick death they received was too good for them they should have left it up to me and my redneck friends.

1991 On this date the Milwaukee PD saw a naked teenager in hand cuffs running down the street so they stop and to find out what the hell is going on. The teen named Tracy Edwards tells the police that he had been held hostage and his life had been threatened. The cops think that young Tracy is doing a dance around something really fishy so they escort him back to the apartment he said he escaped from. An amiable young man answered the door and explained that it had been just a misunderstanding and nothing illegal had occurred. The cops bought it and were on their way out when one of them spotted a couple of Polaroid photos of dismembered body parts and thus began the discovery of the den of horrors of a man named Jeffrey Dahmer. The cops called for back-up and soon the full impact of what this demon had propagated came to light. It was something out of Dante’s Inferno. He had hundred of various and sundry human body parts stuffed in his freezer and refrigerator. He had two genuine human skulls on top of his TV. On the stove was a kind of stew containing human organs. The police could not believe what they were seeing but they took Dahmer into custody and charged him with a plethora of offenses, including cannibalism. During subsequent investigations the cops found out the Dahmer would prowl that gay community of Milwaukee looking for the youngest male he could find, take them home and kill and dissect them. Not only that, he would use some of the body parts in a variety of recipes including the afore mentioned stew. Needless to say, he went to the slammer for life. I would be content with that knowing what kind of treatment he would be facing. Hopefully his roomie was a 350 pound, 6’-5” sexual pervert. He had been in prison for just a short while when the worst possible thing happened. One of the other prisoners stuck a shank in his liver and he died, damn it. By the way, a shank is a knife that is made of something different like a toothbrush or a fork or a sliver of Plexiglas, y'all get the picture.

Born today:

1844 English religious leader and dyslexic William Spooner. He wrote this. “Sir, you have tasted two whole worms, you have hissed at all of my mystery lectures and been caught fighting a liar in the quad. You will leave Oxford by the next town drain.” This reminds me of g.

1955 US actor Willam Dafoe. He said “I am not a weird person. I am just a square from Wisconsin.” I know another square from Wisconsin named Ron, but he ain’t an actor, he designs pipe in 3D. I know what you are thinking. What is there to design about pipe? It is cylindrical, rigid and is of various lengths and diameters. I ain’t going any further with this.

          Thanks for listening   I can hardly wait until tomorrow.