Wednesday

Good morning,

Quote of the day:

“I broke up with my girlfriend so I started doing phone sex. I had to stop that when I got an ear infection.”

Richard Lewis

Recently the state of Utah executed a man that had killed an elderly couple because they would not lend him their car. Utah was unsure of the lethal injection chemicals and they did not trust an electric chair. They thought about a gas chamber but it had not been used in so long they were afraid to use it. They decided to use what had been foolproof in the past...a firing squad. The man was killed instantly. The man's brother said it was “brutal” but he had nothing to say about the murdered couple...as usual.

Up near Culpepper, Virginia an elderly couple were having their daily “scrunch” (supper and lunch) at about 3:00 PM as they had for several years at a local McDonalds. The couple was an 85 year old man and his 81 year old wife. They were sitting there enjoying each other's company and discussing the wonders of the universe when an employee came by dusting and sweeping at an abnormal rate and asked the couple if they liked the dirt. The couple said no and admitted that they did not know what the hell was the matter. Then the manager came out and told them that they must leave because they had “used up their 30 minutes”. It appears that McDonald's plans on in-store customers to stay no longer than 30 minutes so they can sweep and clean up on a specific schedule. The couple left and just blew it off. However, the wife got home and wrote a letter to the local newspaper about their experience. The letter was published and as you might expect, it went viral throughout the internet. The manager of the offending McDonalds called the couple and offered a coupon for two small coffees and admitted their lack of sensitivity. This insulting offer also went viral on the internet. A local competitor called the couple and offered them a free “Scrunch” for life. There has been no further response from that McDonalds. The couple said that they might go to a McDonald's again, but not the one in Culpepper. I have said it once and I will say it again, stupidity has no limits...even at a Mickey D's.

A while back I went to the fanciest hotel within a hundred miles to listen to one of the best pianist and saxophone players I have ever heard in person. They were playing in the lobby. There was such a mob there that we could hear the music but the no class mob in the lobby did not even pay any attention to the music and chose to block off any view of the musicians whilst standing in a small group drinking and trying to impress each other with their coolness. One of the musician's wives finally went over and told them how uncool they were and asked the to move the hell out of the way. They suddenly realized how full of crap they really were and moved. That helped for a while but the crowds kept coming and one of the guys at our table decided that the best solution was to find and unused table, move it to within a foot of the piano and gather there. That worked.

This Date in History March 18

1864 Abraham Lincoln was fed up with his wounded soldiers being disabled permanently or for extended periods simply because of the septic conditions at the treatment and convalescent areas. So on this date he decided to do something about it. He did the best possible thing in organizing a “Sanitary Commission” to oversee the treatment of the wounded soldiers. He gave the responsibility for forming this Commission to a few dependable men and in a moment of clarity, they hired a bunch of really hard-assed women nurses and gave them some authority and sent them into the field. Much to the chagrin of the field combat doctors, these nurses would show up almost immediately after a battle and oversee the treatment of the wounded and the sanitation of the operating and convalescent areas. On one occasion after the battle of Chattanooga, the nurses ordered the dismantling of the wooden embrasures that the Union soldiers were hiding behind to be used as fuel for fires to keep the wounded warm. But the “commission” did do one thing; they vastly decreased the time of recovery of the wounded and got the wounded back into combat much sooner.

1950 On this date the Nationalist Chinese army led by General Chang-Kai-Shek under the auspices of the United States, began an assault on mainland China. Chang and the Nationalist Chinese had been living on the island of Formosa since being kicked out of mainland China by the Chinese Communists led by the legendary Mao Zedong and his party named the Peoples Republic of China (PRC). The battle does not last long and the Nationalist Chinese and Chang beat a hasty retreat back to Formosa. Chang thought that the people of China would rise up against the Communists if they found that he was in country. It didn’t happen, Chang always has been known for his overblown ego so he and his army retreat back to Formosa and there they remain until this day, except for Chang, he has gone on to that great sushi bar in the sky.

1937 In the East Texas oil and Gas field near the town of New London there were about 10,000 oil and gas derricks, in fact there were 11 derricks on the grounds of the Consolidated Elementary School. It was not uncommon for the homes around New London to use the waste gas from the oil wells that is called “wet-gas”. Wet gas is a lot more unstable than regular natural gas from a strictly natural gas well. If y'all have ever seen oil derricks in operation you probably have seen a long pipe with fire coming out the end. That is “wet-gas” being burned off because it is so unstable. But in 1937 the instability of wet gas was not known. The Consolidated Elementary School had been using regular natural gas for cooking and heating and bought their gas from Union Natural Gas at the cost of $300 a month. The school decided to use “wet-gas” for free and save that $300. So Parade Gas Company began piping their waste gas to the school. On this date at 3:05P with the 694 students and 40 teachers eagerly awaiting the final bell at 3:15P, a horrendous explosion literally blew the roof off the school and killed 300 kids instantly. There were so many wounded that they had to be taken to four hospitals in the surrounding communities. The spark that set off the explosion was never determined but it could have been just static electricity, we will never know. But because of this disaster, wet gas is not allowed to leave a well site and thus the pipe with the flame.

1765 In this year Parliament had passed the hated Stamp Act which put a tax on nearly each and every piece of printed material coming into the American colonies. Parliament was trying to raise funds to help pay for the presence of the English military in the colonies. The instant the colonists heard about this, they raised almighty hell almost continuously. They boycotted anything coming from England and gave the English military a huge ration of shit. The colonies sent Benjamin Franklin over to London to plead their case. Ben did his usual good job speaking to Parliament and in this year the Stamp Act was nullified. However, soon thereafter Parliament passed the Declaratory Act. This abomination stated that Parliament had final legislative authority over the colonies. This was just a little more fuel to the fire that erupted into open warfare on the plains of Breeds (Bunker) Hill, Massachusetts ten years later.

Born today:

1837 US President Grover Cleveland. He said “No man has ever been hanged for breaking the spirit of the law.”

1901 Canadian writer Manly Hall. He said “A man without ethics is a wild beast loosed on this world.”

Died today:

1871 English mathematician Augustus de Morgan. When asked his age he said “I was x years old in the year x^2.” Gus, you are such a smart ass.

Thanks for listening I can hardly wait until tomorrow