Monday

•                                                      Musings and History

  
  

  Quote of the day:

  
  

  "The United States Constitution only guarantees the right to pursue happiness, the capture of it is up to you.”

                                               Benjamin Franklin

  
  

  A change in the gun laws will have no effect. The scumbag criminal element, the emotionally and mentally unbalanced will pay it no attention. Only the law abiding citizens will comply and that is who we do NOT need to worry about. They are not the ones doing the damage. My family back to my great- grandfather all had weapons and to my knowledge they killed no one. Using the present day hysteria, one day they will.

  
  

  I am still reading the Southern Methodist University textbook about the history of the Comanches. The more I read the more fascinated I become with the Comanche train of thought. As I have said before their largest financial interest was human beings, they were used by them as currency. In the early to mid 1800's the Central and North Texas Comanches were the most powerful assemblage in North America and the greatest light cavalry in the world. They were the first to tame and train the free-roaming Spanish mustangs. Their final “Comancheria” went from the Houston area to Santa Fe and from the Gulf of Mexico to the Arkansas River. It was an enormous chunk of real estate. They would trade with other tribes and the Mexicans but after the trade was over, the Comanche felt that they were back on level ground and would not hesitate to raid the same people that they had just traded with. I guess they felt that in one hand there is trading and in the other hand was a raid and they are not connected. They also raided heavily on the white settlers primarily looking for horses and guns but another prize was butcher knives. They did not have a metal that would hold an edge like steel. They would capture men and sell them to the Zunis and Navahos among others to be used as slaves in silver mines. They would also take women and children and sell or trade them like currency. Nearly all the tribes felt that it was their right to raid the white settlers for women and children to replace those they lost to the white man's diseases or were killed by them. I do not understand the concept of trading with a group and them raiding them later on but I do understand their angst in replacing members of their tribes lost because of the white man's raids or diseases. I read about one “fair” or trading event where a horse was worth between five and seven butcher knives. I guess a knife that held a sharp edge allowed for more game to be butchered in a given period of time. I know all of you have read about the Native American's being “The Noble Savage”. Not exactly. They were a lot nobler before the white man came and offered one treaty after another which was accepted and then each and every one they signed was broken by the white man because of greed. That would make me less noble too. More later.

  
  

  Back in August of 1881 in a small stone cottage on the west coast of Scotland there were five people sitting out a late summer storm. There was a 31 year old man, his parents, his wife and one child. While sitting near a roaring fire waiting for the storm to abate, the man began sketching with colored pencils. He drew an island and added mountains, valleys, cliffs and three red X'es. In the upper right corner he wrote “Treasure Island”. He encouraged the other to offer suggestions about a story concerning this imaginary island. From this humble beginning this man wrote one of the greatest adventure novels ever conceived and included the following characters: Israel Hand, Captain Smollet, the cargo ship Hispaniola, Long John Silver (he was the cook on the ship but actually was a pirate), Jim Hawkins, Ben Gunn, Dr. Livesey, Squire Trulauny and a variety of ne'er do wells bent on finding the treasure on an uncharted island. The man wrote three chapters on the first day while the storm raged. This unparalleled adventure novel originally was published as a series in a weekly magazine aimed at young people but the adults got deeply into it and in 1883 it was published as a book. There is no question that this book was a stupendous feat of human imagination seldom equaled. The writer also gave us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde among several others landmarks in literature making him a very wealthy man. Of course, I am talking about Robert Louis Stevenson. Stevenson was not very healthy most of his life. In his final days he and his family left San Francisco to cruise the islands of the South Pacific including Hawaii. He and his family visited Samoa and decided to live the rest of their days there and built a home facing the ocean. He died of a stroke at the age of 44 and was buried on the peak of a mountain near his home...with a view of the ocean.

  
  

                   This Date in History   October 7

  
  

  1969 The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Earle Wheeler announced that the “Vietnamization” program was going as scheduled and withdrawal of US troops would begin but the South Vietnamese would need American assistance for “some time to come”. In June President Richard Nixon had decreed that the South Vietnamese should accept more responsibility for the prosecution of the war and American forces would be withdrawn as the South Vietnamese became more and more capable. By 1972 there were only 75,000 American troops left in country. But I guess the South Vietnamese were not as capable as they should have been because the North Vietnamese eventually conquered their southern brethren and renamed Saigon to Ho Chi Minh City. But at least it is one country now good, bad or indifferent.

  
  

  1985 Four Palestinian terrorists highjacked the cruise ship Achille Lauro in the harbor of Alexandria, Egypt. The leader of the terrorist wing of the PLO Abu Abbas had ordered this but did not give these jackasses any instructions as to what to do with the ship. The four terrorists decided that they should demand that all the PLO terrorists held in Israeli jail should be released. This was rejected, of course, and these brave sons-of-bitches shot wheelchair ridden American Leon Klinghofer in the head and threw him and his wheelchair over the side. The US dispatched a SEAL team to take the ship back but when they arrived the terrorist had already left and were on an airplane to Libya. The US sent fighters from a carrier in the Mediterranean to intercept the flight with the terrorists aboard and forced the plane to land in Sicily. Italian authorities arrested the terrorist which included Abu Abbas. In spite of intense pressure from the US, Abbas was allowed to leave the country and the others were put on trial and given various lengths of time in prison. As I have said in the past, my mind is very fertile when it comes to dealing with those pig sucking cowards and a prison sentence ain’t part of it.

  
  

  Born today:

  
  

  1939 Australian critic Clive James. When writing a critique on Judith Krantz’s performance in Princess Daisy he said “As a work of art, it is in the same status as a long conversation with two not very bright drunks.” Clive is a smart-ass.

  
  

  Died today:

  
  

  1849 US writer Edgar Allen Poe. He said “Those that dream in the daytime are a lot more cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only at night.” Poe attended West Point for a very short time. He was kicked out because had no discipline but ended up as a giant of American literature.

  
  

                    Thanks for listening I can hardly wait until tomorrow

  
  

  ---

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Alfred Campbell

albig29640@yahoo.com

(864) 901-5456

Friday

• Oct 4 at 6:42 AM

                       Musings and History

  
  

  Quote of the day:

  “Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.”

                                                                Len Santos

  
  

  Trivia question of the day:

  What famous mariner had a flag ship named “Queen Anne's Revenge”? Answer at the end of the blog

  
  

  A while back I was reading about a 19 year old girl who was arrested in Spartanburg, SC for shoplifting. This girl took three vibrators into the ladies room in a K-Mart and stuffed them in her purse. Then she went to the cheap jewelry counter and did the same thing with three pair of earrings. All of sudden an image flashed across my mind involving the vibrators and the earrings…it was not a pretty sight.

  
  

  A few days ago the MacArthur Foundation ‘Genius Fund’ made selections for this year’s “geniuses”. The award is $500,000 each distributed over a five year period. Included were a stone carver, an astrophysicist, a jazz pianist, a high school physics teacher, a theater director, a marble sculptor and an entomologist working on stopping the decline of the honey bee, etc. I wonder if there is an award for just being a good guy.

  
  

  It has been determined that the “fattest” city in American is Vicksburg. Mississippi. Recently a gym owner has been trying to change all of that. She offered free gym time, persuaded several weight loss companies to offer free diet food and recipes, etc. So far that city has lost a combined total of over 15,000 pounds. This effort was strongly objected to by the makers of Twinkies, Krispie Kreme, Uncle Ben’s instant grits, Budweiser, among many others.

  
  

  A while back the Pensacola, Florida city police were called by a family of a man they thought was in trouble. The cops tracked the man to a Motel 6 on the north side of town. Two city cops (1 male and 1 female) showed up at the motel and went to the room to investigate. A shootout erupted and the male cop was shot in the thigh. The bullet went clean through and exited the back of his leg. The female cop returned fire and the 21 year old shooter was killed instantly. A meth lab was found in the room along with two other people. They cooled their heels in the County lockup. To my knowledge no one has ever won a shootout with US law enforcement. They have nearly everyone out-gunned and out-trained.

  
  

  This past Wednesday the US Marshals arrested 30 year old Santo Mendez at a Greyhound Bus Station in Austin, Texas. Santo has been charged with sexually assaulting 4 and 5 year old girls in Charleston, SC. This dumb ass told the arresting officers that he was now in Texas and they had no control over him. Do you think this jackass is an illegal alien? Anyway, the way he was found was the cops in Charleston contacted the US Marshals and told them what the charges were and that Santo had fled, probably to Texas. The US Marshals in Texas were notified and they tracked Santo to members of his family near Austin along with his description. A surveillance network was established at the airport, train station, bus station, etc. It worked. The last thing that Santo wants is to be extradited to South Carolina and convicted of sexual conduct with a minor. If he is his days will be be numbered once he is jailed.  Child molesters are targeted by prison inmates, especially here in SC.

  
  

  Multi-zillionaire basketball player Lebron James is complaining that people hate him because he is black. He is wrong. People hate him because he is a whiner and his insufferable arrogance. I don’t hate Colin Powell, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, George Rogers and Barry Sanders among many, many others and I certainly am not alone. All of these men have honor and class, but not you Lebron.

  
  

                         This Date in History October 4

  
  

  1777 The battle of Germantown, Pennsylvania happened on this day. Germantown was just a few miles north of British occupied Philadelphia. It was George Washington’s 11,000 ill-fed, ill-clothed and ill trained troops but Washington thought they were ready for a fight. He was opposed by British General Charles Cornwallis and his 9,000 well-fed, well-clothed and well trained troops. Washington had his troops to put a small piece of white paper in their hats so they could be seen in the early morning darkness. Washington chose to attack in four columns. The only problem here was that two of the columns got lost in the early morning fog and the army lost cohesion and were being chopped to pieces a few at a time and Washington retreated to the White Marsh area of New Jersey. The battle was over by ten o’clock with heavy casualties on both sides. In early December Washington fenced with Cornwallis until he established his winter quarters at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. A few days before Christmas Prussian officer Frederick Von Stueben joined Washington. Washington assigned Von Stueben the task of whipping his troops into a well trained fighting unit rather than the rag-tag undisciplined army they were. Von Stueben immediately began a hard disciplined training program and eventually did complete his assignment of creating a fighting machine that proved its worth at the victory at Saratoga, New York. It was the victory at Saratoga that persuaded France to give their support to the fledgling United States and began giving the colonies much needed arms and money. When I was working near Reading , Pa. I wanted to go to most of these battle sites and asked the local about them. Nearly all of them had never been to any of them including Valley Forge. It was disappointing but in all honesty I don't know if any of my friends here in South Carolina have ever been Fort Thickety, Kings Mountain or Eutaw Springs.

  
  

  1970 On this date Rock singer Janis Joplin died of a heroin overdose in the Landmark Hotel in Hollywood, California. Janis was born in Port Arthur, Texas in 1943 and was in the same class as ex-coach of the Dallas Cowboys, Jimmy Johnson. She led a troubled life up until she was 17 when she left home and began singing in clubs in Houston and other cities in Texas. In the early 60’s she moved to San Francisco and began singing with a group called Big Brother and the Holding Company. In 1968 the band issued an album called Cheap Tricks. One of the songs on that album was Janis singing the song Piece of my Heart. It gives me chill bumps to think Janis doing this song to this day. This song brought Janis into the world spotlight. She left that band and formed her own band The Kosmic Blues Band. This band was immensely popular and brought Janis even more fame and fortune. During all this rush at fast living Janis had developed two addictions. One was Southern Comfort and the other was heroin. Her final band was The Full Tilt Boogie Band. It was with this band that Janis gave us the immortal Me and Bobbie Magee. It was only a few weeks after recording this song that she killed herself by injecting sh-t into her veins. By the way, Me and Bobbie Magee was written by Kris Kristofferson.

  
  

  Births and deaths:

  
  

  1970 US rock singer Janis Joplin died. She said “I would rather live 10 years of super-hypermost than to live 70 years sitting in a god-damned chair in front of a TV.” Janis lived her 27 years on this planet in exactly that fashion.

  
  

  Answer to the trivia question:

  The mariner whose flag ship was named “Queen Anne's Revenge” was Edward Teach or the pirate “Blackbeard”

Thursday

•                              Musings and History

  
  

  Quote of the day:

  “Patriotism is your conviction that you live in the greatest country in the world because you were born there.”

                                           George Bernard Shaw

  
  

  Trivia question of the day:

  Who was the first United States Vice President? Answer at the end of the blog.

  
  

  A long time ago I as working in Pensacola, Fl. as an air traffic controller. Pensacola was a TRACON meaning a Terminal Radar Air Traffic Control facility. We were essentially responsible for providing air traffic control services to aircraft within 50 mile radius. That is an oversimplification but you get the idea. The skies were full of US Navy aircraft in training both on land and on aircraft carriers that were based there like the USS Lexington and later the USS Kitty Hawk. At times especially during hurricane evacuations the stress level was approaching unmanageable. The US Navy in Pensacola would send nearly all their aircraft to a navy base in Missouri to wait out a hurricane. They sent them all at once and brought them back all at once. We had a controller with us that was approaching the end of his career and we tried to protect him knowing that he was not as capable as the rest of us. It was suggested that he go to Mobile, Al. to finish his career but he said he did not want to take a pay cut. Back then in the air traffic control business your salary is based upon the traffic count. During one evacuation he was caught in a very busy and very difficult situation...he was over his head. He said that he was about to faint and laid down on the floor and his “coordinator” took over for him. He went to the hospital and it was determined that it was caused by stress and him hyperventilating. He very nearly died trying to keep working at the job. He went to Mobile but kept his house in Pensacola and commuted (about 65 miles). He eventually retired. The point I am trying to make is your health is not worth your job. By the way, a coordinator is a person that monitors what is being said between the controller and the aircraft and communicates with all the associated facilities on the land lines so all the controller has to do is talk with the aircraft.

  
  

                        This Date in History   October 3

  
  

  1781 British General Charles Cornwallis and 9,000 of his troops had been pinned up against the Chesapeake Bay by a combined force of 17,000 Patriot and French infantry at Yorktown, Virgina for about two weeks. The British had been able to persevere because they were being re-supplied from across the York River. Patriot General George Washington sent French Brigadier General Marquis de Cloisy and 1,000 infantry to cut that supply route. On this date Marquis de Cloisy was able to ambush the British supply wagons led by British Lieutenant Colonel Thomas Dundas and 800 infantry with complete success. With this the last supply route to the British encampment now cut, it was just a matter of time before they had to surrender and bring this war for independence to a successful termination.

  
  

  1862 Confederate Generals Earl Van Dorn and Sterling Price combined their forces and attempt of take back the city of Corinth, Mississippi that had been captured by US General William Rosecrans earlier. Corinth was an all important railroad center. The US forces had taken Corinth after the Confederates had been there for some time and had developed considerable breastworks. Rosecrans’s troops just reinforced what was there into an even more formidable embrasures. On this date the Confederates attempted three direct and flank attacks and were able to gain the first entrenchment but could not hold and withdrew with heavy casualties.

  
  

  1995 On this date one of the greatest miscarriages of justice in American history occurs in Los Angeles, California. Former NFL football star O.J. Simpson is acquitted of the murder of his ex-wife Nichole Brown and an innocent passer-by named Ron Goldman. The trial had been underway for almost a year. In the past Nichole Brown had called 911 several times because Simpson had shown up at her house enraged and had beat the hell out of her at least once and threatened her many times. Ron Goldman was a waiter at an upscale restaurant where Nichole had eaten lunch a few hours before. Nichole had left her sunglasses at the restaurant and Goldman was dropping the sunglasses off at Nichole’s house on his way home when they both were murdered. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind, except for that jury, that O.J. was the murderer. O.J. was defended by a formidable crew of attorneys led by Johnny Cochran. I personally think that O.J. was acquitted because he was black, as was the majority of the jury. Take it from me bigotry exists on both sides of the race issue.

  
  

  1895 One of the best and most influential novels in the history of American literature is published on this day. It is The Red Badge of Courage written by Stephan Crane. It is a novel about a group of young men that enlist in the Confederate Army during the Civil War, one young man in particular. When he encounters combat for the first time he runs away in terror. Then he has a talk with himself about self esteem and courage and returns to his unit. The book is an icon in annuls of American literature and is worthy of everyone’s time to read. Crane was born into poverty one of a family of 14 living in the New York/New Jersey area. Crane died in 1899 of tuberculosis at the age of 28. That’s right folks, he wrote this great novel at a very early age. What a damned waste of writing talent.

  
  

  1873 Earlier a group of Modoc Indians got fed up with settlers moving in on their lands in Central Oregon and killed a few of them and ran up into the Cascades to hide. They stayed there for quite a length of time and refused several attempts to negotiate their surrender. It seems they did not trust us honkies at our word and I don’t blame them. Finally, the US Cavalry decided to send in high ranking US General Canby to negotiate thinking the Modoc would more readily believe him. Canby went in to negotiate but the Modoc were not impressed and capped all of the party except one who went back and told what happened. The US cavalry sent an overwhelming force and captured all the Modoc. On this day four of them were hanged for the killing of General Canby, not the settlers, General Canby.

  
  

  Births and deaths:

  
  

  1941 US writer Anne Rice is born. She said “I was particularly stunned by the casting of Tom Cruise; he is no more the vampire La Stat than Edward G. Robinson is Rhett Butler.” One of my daughters suggested that I not read that book because there was homosexuality in it and they thought I would find it offensive. I did not read it because of that, I did not read it because it is fiction. If I was going to be offended at homosexuality I could not read the biography of many, many leaders, Frederick the Great, in particular. I have completed his biography and will send it out soon.

  
  

  Quotable quotes:

  
  

  “My favorite animal is steak.”

  Fran Lebowitz

  
  

  “My wife has wonderfully colored eyes; I particularly like the blue one.”

                                                  Dave Barry

  
  

  Answer to the trivia question:
  The first United States Vice President was John Adams.

  
  

  Thanks for listening I can hardly wait until tomorrow

  
  

  
  

  
  

Wednesday

  Musings and History

Quote of the day:

When explaining why he sold the rights to the song “My Way” to Frank Sinatra he said “I did not want to wake up with a horse's head in my bed.”

                                                                     Paul Anka

Trivia question of the day:

Who was the last major league baseball player to bat .400 for a season? Answer at the end of the blog.

Here is a short history lesson.

The Revolutionary War lasted 8 bloody years and thousands of Patriots died or were killed to insure the independence of the United States from the heel of Great Britain. 29 years later Great Britain, along with most of Europe, was at war with France and Napoleon. Great Britain tried to blockade French ports to prevent the movement of troops and the re-supplying of the tools of war. The United States was not at war with France and continued to try to trade with them. Not only was American ships stopped from approaching French ports, the English war ship would “impress” sailors from American merchant vessels and force them to serve on British warships. President James Madison and the United States congress declared war on Great Britain. As a result Great Britain sent part of the mightiest navy in the world to fight against this upstart nation. In fact James Madison was the last sitting president to be involved in combat. The British landed near Baltimore and sent a large number of troops toward Washington, DC with the intention of burning to to the ground. This was in retaliation for a United States army unit burning down the British embassy building in Canada. Madison commanded an American artillery battery at the Battle of Bladensburg, Md. which as unsuccessful in stopping the British advance and they did considerable damage to our nations capitol. Before the British troops landed, a naval bombardment was delivered to Fort McHenry which was at the mouth of Baltimore harbor manned by American troops. The bombardment lasted all one night. An American was on board one of the British warships and watched in awe at the ferocity of the attack. But the next morning a gigantic American flag had been raised on Fort McHenry indicating that the fort as still in American hands. The American was Francis Scott Key and he wrote a inspired poem about what he had seen that became our national anthem. What I tearfully think of when I hear this song is the hundreds of thousands of Patriots in both the American Revolution and the War of 1812 that surrendered their lives to make all of this happen. I do not think about some arrogant millionaires that are trying to stress that they don't think they are been treated fairly and I deeply resent them using the heritage of such importance to my devotion to the United States as a sounding board. The 1^st Amendment applies to them of course...but it applies to me also.

                             This Date in History   October 2

1967 On this date United States Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren swore in Thurgood Marshall as an associate Supreme Court justice replacing retiring Justice Tom Clark. Marshall was the first black person to be selected the high court. He was born in Baltimore in 1908. When he graduated from high school he applied to go the University of Maryland Law School and was accepted but the acceptance was withdrawn once it was found that he was black. He then applied to and was accepted into the Howard University Law School in Washington, DC and graduated first in his class. He became a lawyer for the NAACP and eventually became Chief Council. In his capacity with the NAACP he argued several cases before the Supreme Court including his most important victory in the Brown vs. The Board Of Education decision which was the first giant step in the elimination of segregation in public facilities in America. He was nominated for the United States Court of Appeals by President John Kennedy but his confirmation was delayed for almost a year by southern Senators. He was then selected by President Lyndon Johnson to be Solicitor General. Finally, it was Lyndon Johnson that nominated him to the Supreme Court. I took some time but he was eventually confirmed. He served on the high court for 24 years, retired in 1991 and died the next year.

1780 Earlier British officer John Andre had been captured by a group of highwaymen (robbers) that were sympathetic to the Patriot cause. They found a document in Andre’s boot that described a deal with Patriot General Benedict Arnold whereby Arnold would turn over control of the Patriot fortress at West Point, NY to the British for 20,000 pounds Sterling. They then turned Andre over to the Patriot army including the document. Andre was not in uniform making him a spy. Andre was tried as a spy, convicted and was sentenced to death. On this date, Andre was hanged. When Arnold found out about the capture of Andre he and his wife ran like hell to the British warship HMS Vulture and surrendered to them. The British did not waste Arnold’s considerable military talents and made him an officer in the British Army and gave him command of a division of infantry. Arnold did not disappoint. He proved to be a very capable commander against his countrymen. After the war was won by the Patriots, he had no choice but to go to England. He died penniless and unknown in London in 1801.

1836 After exploring Argentina, Peru and the Galapagos Islands, the HMS Beagle with British naturalist Charles Darwin aboard arrives back in England. Darwin has made many observations in his travels the most important of which was what he called “natural selection” and evidence as he saw it, of homo-sapiens evolving from a lower form. Darwin was embarrassed at what he had found and delayed publishing his findings for several years because he knew what hell would be raised about it. But he finally published The Origin of Species and sure enough, hell was raised and plenty of it and it is still ebbing and flowing to this day. I don’t have a dog in that fight because it eventually gets to the use of the bible as the final authority which requires a leap of faith. As I have said before, you cannot mix science and religion successfully.

1864 US General Alvan Gillem decided to attack the CSA encampment of Saltville, Virginia to capture the salt and lead mine there. The salt mine was very important to the Confederacy because the salt was used to preserve their food. Gillam wanted US General Burbridge and his small division to join him in a coordinated attack from the south but Burbridge wanted a separate attack from the north so he could get individual credit for the victory. Both armies totaled 4,000 men. The Confederate officers in charge at Saltville were CSA Generals Harry Giltner and John Williams. When they found out what was coming, the hastily rounded up about 1,000 Confederate infantry and prepared a plan of action. You would have thought they would have dug in but they didn’t. They sent Giltner and about 400 troops to delay Gillam coming up from the south and Williams and the rest prepared an ambush of Burbridge’s troops coming down from the north. When the trap was sprung the astonished US troops turned around and ran back to Kentucky. Williams turned his troops around and headed south to join Giltner. It was unnecessary because when Gillam found out about the rout of Burbridge, he turned around and headed back to West “by God” Virginia. However, this brilliant victory was tarnished somewhat when some of the black troops of the US 5^th and 6^th cavalry were captured and then murdered. War is hell.

Births and deaths:

1940 Sports columnist Scott Ostler is born. After watching the 49ers get routed in the 1993 playoffs, he wrote “The 49ers were so badly flattened that they didn’t fly back home, they were faxed.”

1981 US singer and pianist Hazel Scott dies. She said “I have always respected everyone’s religion; there is only one God but a hell of a lot of confused people.” Here, here.

Answer to the trivia question:

The last major league player to hit a .400 average of a season was Ted Williams of the Boston Red Sox.

          Thanks for listening   I can hardly wait until tomorrow

Tuesday

     Musings and History

Quote of the day:

A small group of 101^st Airborne troops were surrounded on a hilltop in remote Afghanistan and they were being chopped to pieces. The attending medic was wounded in the side and bleeding badly. He continued to treat three others that were also wounded until he became so weak from blood loss that he couldn't move but he continued to give instructions on how to treat the others.  Finally, he said “I am sorry guys, that is all I can do”...and he died. Think about the things you complain about... this man apologized for dying.

This edition will be one that I have done before and was requested again. It is about my ordeal with prostate cancer which is common among men when reaching a certain age.

Enjoy and learn.

A while back I had a routine office visit with my family physician that I will call “Homeboy”. As a matter of course he had a blood sample taken to check my diabetes among other things. I got a call a few days later and it is Homeboy. He said that my diabetes is tolerable but PSA count is elevated. I have no clue what he is talking about. He said that it is a sign of a prostate problem and that should see a urologist. I asked him to suggest one, and suggest one he did. He sent me to a urologist that I will call “Piledriver”. In the meantime, Homeboy gave me some antibiotics to take before going to see Piledriver so that if it is an infection it will show up on the next blood test. I got an appointment with Piledriver for about three weeks later and that visit is primarily to get my insurance information first and foremost and take another blood test and see if any change has taken place since the antibiotics. Piledriver’s office is easy to find because it is right behind the Bojangles on West Faris Road. I met Piledriver and he took me into a little room and did an obscene thing to me and said that my prostate was somewhat swollen but he did not feel any hard spots but we need a follow up blood test. I got to meet the nurse that is going to take the blood sample and I nicknamed her “Vlad the Impaler”. Vlad had a little trouble finding a blood flow and chose to wallow the needle around some. Finally as I am getting faint, Vlad got her sample and withdrew the needle and put a cotton ball on my arm. Old dumb ass me, still believing I am ten feet tall and bullet proof, almost immediately took the cotton ball off and headed for the door. Before I got to the door a lump the size of a goose egg arose on my forearm and my arm began to swell and stiffen as I got into the car. Three hours later my forearm was black and blue from elbow to wrist and was so sore I could not move it. Two days later my forearm looked like a dead dog so I decided that I had better go see Homeboy. I told Homeboy that I was worried that it might be blood clot so he checked my pulse and blood pressure and all is well that it is just some blood that had gotten loose under the skin because I did not hold the cotton ball on the spot long enough, and in the future I should hold my arm elevated and the cotton ball on the spot for at least 10 minutes after a blood sample. The discoloration and soreness finally subsided. The blood test taken by Vlad did not show any decrease in my PSA level and Piledriver suggested a biopsy three weeks later. I ask him what does a biopsy of a prostate gland entail. My jaw dropped to the floor when he told me. You mean you are going to stick what up where? So I made an appointment three weeks ahead for the biopsy. On the night before the biopsy I was suppose to get an enema. I live alone and a self administered enema is a hell of a trick for a long-waisted, short-armed boy, if you get my drift. Anyway, with some practice and maneuvering I got the job done. I arrived at Piledriver's office early and they finally called me in and wanted me to take all my clothes off except for my socks. I wondered that the socks had to do with it but I was just happy to get that far. After taking my clothes off I laid down on a gurney in a “treatment room” and waited about 35 minutes. This was the best part, I went to sleep. Finally Piledriver came in and we chatted for a short while and he told me to turn on my side. Very soon thereafter I found out what Piledriver had been talking about. He did yet another exploration with his finger and said that I wasn’t swollen very much but he was going to do an Ultrasound to help guide him in the “procedure”. It is believed that in another life Piledriver was the chief papal representative during the Spanish Inquisition and therefore has a propensity for instruments of torture. He pulled out one on this day. I never saw it, but it felt as being of a size between a “D” cell flashlight and a Thermos bottle with a golf ball sized object on the end. I also did not realize that my prostate gland was up near my navel. He looked around in there for a while and then pulled out another instrument of torture and said he was going to give me a “numbing” agent that the needle might “sting a little”. I was beginning to see spots before my eyes. After a few seconds he said that he was going to take a “few samples” and I began hearing sounds like a pneumatic nail gun. “How many samples” I gasped. He said normally it is 12, but he likes to be aggressive so he will get 20. I just bowed my head and tried to think of something more pleasant like a root canal or a wisdom tooth extraction. Eventually he said he was finished and withdrew all of his apparatus. Then I heard a female voice say “I will send these off to the lab”. I turn around and there is a fairly young nurse standing there that I had met before. I asked her if she had been there the whole time and she said yes. How could this girl ever have a romantic interlude with a man? This experience instilled in me a new respect for the gay men community. Anyway, the biopsy showed that it was indeed prostate cancer. Piledriver gave me three options. It was radiation therapy, surgery or radioactive implants and told me the positives and negatives of each procedure. I opted for the radiation therapy and he made arrangements for me at Cancer Center of the Carolinas behind the Platinum Plus strip joint. They were very professional and guided me through 38 treatments at five treatments a week until the therapy was complete. I went back over see Piledriver for a follow up visit. He said that I needed to get a hormone shot that would last a year. I asked him what was in the shot and he said Estrogen. That my friends, is a female hormone and the after effects are predictable. Piledriver said it was meant to shrink my prostate just in case. The next year is just a haze that I have little memory of. After a year I went back to Piledriver for a blood test for my PSA level and it was minuscule. He said that I need not come back anymore. It finally dawned on me how fortunate I really was. However the encounter with the “D” cell flashlight and the pneumatic nail gun will not be forgotten.

                     Thanks for listening I can hardly wait until tomorrow